How to listen

শনিবার, ৩১ অক্টোবর, ২০০৯

How many times you found your attention wandering when listening to a boring speaker? How many times you nodded your head in understanding even though you may have missed the main point? There is nothing wrong or irregular in this behavior. It happens to all of us, all the time. We may hear what another person is saying but unless we listen we can’t comprehend what he is saying.

How do we learn to listen? It is not difficult. All that it needs is some discipline and self-training. The first thing is to control your thoughts. You cannot be a good listener if you allow your thoughts to wander. This happens most often when some word or statement made by the speaker triggers your memory, and you drift off. You therefore need to pull your thoughts backs, and refocus. This is not easy, because the mind is a powerhouse. It flies in all directions, many times without your bidding.

A good way to make your mind focus is to train your mind to stay focused for long periods of time. You can do this by listening to a radio or a television or recorded speech. You let the speech run for a fixed time, say five minutes to start with. If your mind loses track of what the speaker is saying, then restart the speech. Do it with different speeches till you can listen without a break for five minutes. Next, increase this time to ten minutes, and repeat the exercise.

You will find that you can concentrate better, and comprehend what the speaker is saying. You now need to repeat the exercise using a video, where the speaker waves his hands or stops for effect or rattles off sentences. You will find that very often these minor things send your mind on its own trip. You need to stop the mind from doing so. In other words, you must not allow yourself to be distracted by the dress, mannerisms or the activity going around the speaker.

You are now ready to listen to people in real life. Your mind will stay focused, and you will find that you are a better listener now. What’s more you will find that better listeners are also better understood. This is because your response will be in keeping with the expectations of the speaker.

How to have a healthy relationship

Relationships are like plants. They need to be nurtured with love, care and understanding. Those who take relationships for granted pay a heavy price for their casual approach.

The best relationships are those that are built on respect, commitment and fulfillment, not to forget communication. In fact, good communication is the foundation stone of any healthy relationship.

You must learn to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, even if they are unpleasant. Very often the fear of offending your partner makes you keep quiet, and suffer in silence. You are not only doing an injustice to yourself but also sowing unhappiness.

You must also trust each other. Suspicion breeds hate, jealousy and sorrow. Often, these feelings get out of control, and destroy relationships. The best way to keep the flame of trust shining bright is to confide in your partner. It removes mistrust, and does not allow misunderstandings to grow.

It also pays to be honest with each other. Don’t hesitate to brush unpleasant issues under the carpet. If you have done a wrong, let your partner know. You will feel stronger to face the next challenge.

Being a part of the ‘couple’ should not affect the sense of oneself. Establishing boundaries where needed helps maintain a balanced relationship. Love brings along many expectations that need to be met. Every partner expects something out of the other. But it is only when expectations are realistic and both the partners are able to meet them equitably that life is happy and content.

There are three stages in every relationship. The first is attraction. When you are attracted to a person, you wish to know more about him, his likes, dislikes, interests etc. Then you gather courage to make your first move like asking to come for a movie, dance or dinner.

The second is the “testing” stage. This is the stage when the relationship starts blooming. If you hide facts at this stage, or spread a web of lies, then you can be sure that the relationship will end in heartbreak.

The third is the conflict stage. As the relationship progresses, there will be conflicts and disagreements. Those who are able to handle these conflicts with trust and equanimity are able to keep the relationship going; the others simply flounder. So, learn to handle conflicts.